 What Stones Can I Use for My Relationship?
I am often
asked, "what stone should I use to heal my relationship?" My answer
to that question is invariably, "It depends on whats wrong with the
relationship!". Are you experiencing communication issues? Problems
with expressing intimacy or vulnerability? Sexual disfunction? A
lack of consideration or compassion for one another? The number of
challenges that relationship face is equal to the number of
relationship there are in the world! It is impossible to say
that one stone, or even a few select stones, are the panacea for
relationship woes. In order to choose the stone that can best
support healing in your relationship, you will need to identify
exactly what needs healing. Then, you can't rely on the stone
itself, but will need to take concrete steps to heal those issues,
using the stone as an energetic support.
With all of that
said, there are a few stones that seem to directly affect our
ability to relate to one another in relationship. Some help you to
feel more loving toward others. Other stones may help you to feel
more loving toward yourself, and so more able to bring your
particular gifts and energies into a balanced relationship. Some
stones may be more effective at helping you to identify where you
are holding onto old patterns of behavior from past relationships.
Still others will help you to communicate your feelings and needs
more effectively to a partner.
In this article
I'll discuss just a few of the stones that can be useful in
different aspects of relationship. This is by no means a complete
catalog of stones that can be used to address relationship issues.
It is, however, a brief list of the most commonly used stones to
affect relationships. For a more complete explanation of these
stones, please reference The Book of Stones. Or, better yet,
choose a Crystal Ally Card while focusing on your specific
relationship issue.
Stones for Feelings:
Rose Quartz - Rose
Quartz is the most commonly recommended stone for all types of
relationship and love issues. While its energy is often thought of
as simply "soothing", it is in fact a powerful heart opening and
heart healing stone. It is an excellent ally to employ when past
emotional patterns from relationships are interfering in current
experience. Its manganese content works to soothe the nervous system
and to help move one out of the "fight or flight" sympathetic
nervous system and into the "healing and repair" parasympathethic
nervous system. In relationships, this means less knee-jerk, ego
based reaction and more open willingness to listen and respond from
the heart.
Rhodochrosite - Rhodochrosite is
another important manganese bearing stone. This one, however, is
more geared toward helping one to maintain a balanced sense of
personal power within a relationship. When one feels a lack of self
worth or an inability to be centered in their power they can turn to
manipulation, jealousy or even rage toward their partner.
Rhodochrosite helps one to find one's confidence, heal past
childhood trauma that may affect a relationship's balance of power
or sexual energy. It can also assist those who tend to lose their
identity in a relationship to maintain a sense of self.
Rhodochrosite is the best ally to engage when past abuse in
relationships has damaged one's ability to trust enough to enter
into relationship again.
Emerald - Emerald is
a powerful ally for those who are in grief over the ending of a
relationship or the passing over of a partner. Its energy brings
soothing, heart healing vibrations to the aura that can help one to
let go of past attachment and find hope for the future. Emerald
assists one in being more openly vulnerable, honest and trusting
with a partner-- deepening the relationship and building deep bonds.
Emerald also assists one in overcoming patterns of victimization
that can create a negative power exchange within a relationship.
Morganite (Pink Emerald) - Like green Emerald,
Morganite is a beryllium aluminum silicate. Also like its sister,
Morganite helps one to overcome attachment to past relationships.
Morganite is an excellent stone for healing from divorce, separation
or the ending of a relationship-- particularly when anger,
resentment or other difficult emotions are involved. It is excellent
for overcoming fear-based self protection that can prevent a new
relationship from taking root. It is a stone of Divine Love and
emotional healing.
Stones for Communication:
Chrysocolla -
Relationship is communication. Without communication, or with
communication that is hurtful or ego-based, relationships quickly
die. Chrysocolla is a powerful communication stone. It assists one
in speaking more clearly about one's feelings and one's
knowledge. It can help one to communicate in a way that can be heard
and understood by one's partner. It is especially helpful for those
who are afraid of speaking up or communicating their truth.
Chrysocolla teaches us that words are not only expressions of
energy, but they are communications of the spirit. This ally can
assist one in finding the words that will empower a relationship.
The powerful words "I love you", for instance, repeated several
times a day to your partner can become a mantra of power that binds
two hearts. Chrysocolla can help you to find the right words at the
right time to build bonds of truth and tenderness that are a solid
foundation for two hearts to join upon.
Aquamarine - Aquamarine is also a powerful ally
for communication. Its energy assists one in overcoming habitual,
meaningless and mindless communication in favor of deeper, more
conscious words. It can help one to say what one truly feels and is
especially good at helping one to overcome martyr or passive
agressive patterns. It can be especially helpful in releasing one
from habitual patterns of behavior that have been carried from past
relationships into the present. It is especially helpful in long
term relationships to help one to see one's partner as they are in
the moment-- instead of how we perceive them to be based on their
behavior in the past; thus keeping the relationship new, fresh and
clean.
Amazonite - Communicating boundaries, desires
and limits is an important gift of Amazonite. Letting your partner
know what you want gives them the opportunity to gift you with it!
Amazonite helps those who are unclear about their desires, needs or
boundaries to be more clear about their personal truth. Amazonite
can help one to communicate this truth more clearly and sensitively
to a partner or other person who may need to hear it. Consistantly
ignoring your personal needs or boundaries can lead to passive
agressive or resentful behavior. Amazonite helps you to honor these
aspects so that you can meet your own needs and those of your
partner with more consciousness and clarity.
Stones for Passion:
Zincite - Who can speak of passion in relationships without
speaking of Zincite? The energy of this ally is the pure energy of
passion, creativity, fertility and sexuality. This stone is solid
Fire, so use its energy wisely and conservatively-- as it will also
bring up any other Fire element issues in a relationship that need
to be dealt with-- such as buried anger, resentment or fear. This is
a good thing, though, as it assists partners in clearing the air and making up afterward!
Fire Opal - Fire Opal stimulates sexual energy
that can be transformed into spiritual energy through the raising of
the kundalini and tantric practice. It is a wonderful stone for
conscious sexuality and the transcendence beyond sexual expression
into pure unity of heart and body. Fire Opal can assist one in
becoming more confident and self-assured in social situations or
very private situations! It is very useful for overcoming negative
body image and helping one to feel more attractive and magnetic.
Ruby - Ruby is a classic stone for physical
passion, fertility and abundance. Its energy helps one to enjoy the
sensual pleasures of life and to become more engaged in the beauty
of the physical world. It is an excellent stone for anyone wishing
to build a stronger, more healthy physical relationship with their
own body or a partner.
For more information on the stones listed here, please
reference The Book of Stones.
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© 2006 Naisha Ahsian
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