Clients often ask me about a soul mate in my consultations and readings.. Will they be meeting their soul mate in this life? Can I tell them if a particular person is their soul mate? What stones can be used to attract their soul mate? These are all valid questions, but the concept of what a soul mate actually is may require some clarification in order for these questions to be answered correctly.

A soul mate is a being who has agreed to accompany you through many lives so that you can learn your lessons together. They are a spiritual "study buddy" that has contracted to be a learning partner for you in this and other lifetimes. One of the reasons you became soul mates is because your basic soul level energies are resonant and you are on the same basic soul learning path. Often, your soul mate will act as a spouse or partner over the course of many lifetimes. Sometimes, however, they may take on the role of parent, child or friend if that role will allow both of you to learn more effectively. For instance, if you choose to be a celibate priest in one lifetime in order to develop on a spiritual level, you would not be able to engage in a classic love partnership. In this case, your soul mate may choose to appear as another priest in the same brotherhood, so that you can still learn and grow together as spiritual brothers instead of romantic partners. For the purpose of this article, however, we'll assume that we are speaking of a soul mate in the form of a love relationship, since that is how most people view this dynamic.

Does everyone have a soul mate? No. Not everyone has a soul mate. Some souls have not joined into this type of relationship with another soul. That doesn't mean that there isn't a fully compatible partner for everyone. I believe there is. However, a compatible partner and a soul mate are not the same thing. Of course, your compatible partner in this life may prove to be the beginning of a soul mate relationship throughout future lifetimes. Even for those who do have a soul mate, that relationship may not appear in a love partnership in this lifetime. Sometimes your soul mate may appear in another role, depending upon what is needed most in order for both partners to develop.

How do I know if this person is my soul mate? This is perhaps the most difficult question of all to answer, because it is dependent upon what you are expecting to find in a soul mate. One of the most common denominators in identifying a soul mate is instant recognition on a deep level. For instance, when I met my soul mate I saw his picture on the internet and instantly said, "oh no! Not this!". Not because I thought it was a bad thing, but because I recognized him as my soul mate, and also recognized that this meant an intense learning experience ahead. I was not looking for a relationship and in fact, I didn't really want a love relationship. I knew my soul mate instantly, however, and I also knew what that meant as far as the commitment and learning that would be ahead of me. Of course, I still embraced it, but I also experienced all of my fears and insecurities surfacing in reaction to this soul level energy.

Many times, the problem in recognizing a soul mate is not an inability to feel the deep connection, but rather, an inaccurate expectation of what a soul mate will be like. Many of the clients I work with expect that a soul mate will be just like them and even expect that they will have the same spiritual path and beliefs. While this can happen, it is far more common for a soul mate to be quite different in many ways that you are. Remember, a soul mate is here to teach us what we most need to learn and vice versa. They are a living mirror to show us where we need to release our preconceptions and recognize where we can grow and change. If your soul mate was exactly like you, where would the learning come in? A soul mate and a soul twin are completely different things.

What I have noticed in my work with clients and in observing soul mate relationships is that when you find your soul mate you will know it. You will feel it. The important thing is to open yourself to who they truly are and not limit your relationship by your expectations of who they should be in order to fit your ideal or your expectation. In fact, a soul mate will often be a polarity of your own energy or experience so that they (and you) can act as an effective mirror. So, if your suspected soul mate is not on exactly the same spiritual path as you are, or they do not hold the same views and beliefs, it does not disqualify them. Go with your gut instincts-- not your ego's judgements. Often, the difficult learning experiences you may encounter while developing your relationship are an indicator that, in fact, this is a soul mate relationship.

A soul mate relationship will solve all of my problems. Um, no. Remember that as soul mates, you are here to learn from one another and teach one another. This is a sacred relationship to be sure, but it is not necessarily an easy one. A soul mate has the potential to reveal to you those aspects of your self that are most in need of healing and evolution. This is not a relationship that will solve all of your problems. It will, however, help you to see those aspects of yourself that need further development. And, it will help you to speak up to your soul mate when they may need some learning. A soul mate relationship is a deeply satisfying, intense learning and development opportunity-- not a panacea. The difference between a soul mate relationship and another relationship is that you are more likely to stick it out and persevere because you cannot imagine being with anyone else. It doesn't mean there won't be problems, but it does mean that you will be more likely to weather those problems together.

A soul mate relationship won't have the problems of a normal relationship. Um, no again! I have known soul mates to get divorced and not continue together forever. It is possible that a soul mate relationship will "fail". We would like to think that a soul mate relationship will continue no matter what, but it is just as suceptible to worldly concerns as other relationships. Soul mate relationships can still be affected by money issues, sexual issues, disagreements about parenting ideology or spiritual beliefs. Meeting your soul mate does not guarantee that you will remain with your soul mate for the rest of your life. Like any relationship, a soul mate relationship involves two co-creative beings. Its success depends upon those two beings being willing to continue in relationship and being willing to do the hard work that is required to be in an intense relationship. It is critical to remember that a soul mate relationship is a process-- not a solution. Meeting your soul mate does not guarantee a lifelong relationship. It does guarantee that your most important learning experiences will surface. How you deal with those learning experiences will determine how the relationship progresses.

What stones can I use to attract my soul mate? Those stones that pose the greatest learning challenge for you! Those stones that bring up your deepest, darkest aspects that need healing are most resonant with a soul mate relationship. If you are willing to enter into the "hard work" on your own, you will be much more likely to attract your soul mate. It is the universal truth that, in order to find it outside yourself, you must first find it inside yourself. Be what you wish to create.

It is also important to keep in mind that you and your soul mate arranged your meeting before you entered into this life. You don't actually need to "do" anything to "attract" a soul mate. Your soul mate is already attracted to you. That is why you agreed to come here. And, chances are, you will find one another in the course of Divine time. If you wish to enhance or speed up the process, then jumping into your deepest, hardest work is the best bet. If you do that, then you will be ready for the work that a soul mate will bring.

In short, a soul mate will not necessarily be what you expect. They will always provide what you need. In order to prepare for your soul mate relationship you will need to be willing to recognize that you may have learning and growing left to do, and that that learning may come in the form of a powerful, intense and challenging relationship-- not the "no brainer" relationship you may imagine a soul mate offers. When you are willing to do your deepest, hardest work your soul mate will appear to support you, and challenge you, to reach ever greater levels of self knowledge and growth.

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© 2006 Naisha Ahsian
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